somebody hear me plizz... =|

once upon a time in my life... people hear me. people listen to me. people do whatever i asked them to... then it changes. dunno when... but when i was growing up... it changes... people don't listen to me anymore. they even ignore me. and sadly, me the one who have to listen to them...

sad, burden... heart? do i have one? i don't even know. all i know... i am always following the flow. flow of my life. flow of people arranging my life. i just follow the flow. i don't have voice. i am mute. i was a puppet. i kept my feeling for myself. to myself. coz i know, they arrange my life for my own good. but don't i have right for my life? i don't think so... i kept it to myself...

until one day in august. i found someone that i can share the things that i kept within myself. i can share... at last... i can also show my feeling. i can show all my feeling... i can express all my feeling... sorry sometimes i exaggerate in showing and expressing my feeling... for quite some time i did like i did. expressing, showing, resulting hurting that someone in august...

i know i am wrong... but... this is the only chance that i can show myself. express myself. sorry if it turns out badly... and now... it changes... again... in my life... i have to kept things again to myself. i can't show my feeling... i can't express my feeling... i can't show my feeling anymore... i can't share my feeling... deep down, it will eat me out. but what choices do i have? i don't have any... like i once experienced it. like a dejavu... really killing me inside. but... i am stuck with it forever... am i?

so here i am... in front of the computer... writing about this... saying false hope to myself.

"you are strong."

"you can do this."

"this is a small matter."

"no need to be so dramatic."

"things will work out just fine..."

if only cingmok is here... he's the only one who will hear me. he's the one who always listen to me... he used to accompany me when i'm down... listen to my babbling when i do my laundry... he's the best... if only he is here...



10092009 ~ 3.49pm
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